How to Conscious Communicate & Consent

Conscious communication and consent can be complicated, most of us, no matter who they are, can find navigating them a challenge throughout our life. 

One of the main issues in conscious communication and consent is we don’t always know what we want, and if we do, we don’t always have the language or interpersonal skills to ask for it. We don’t always know how to say “no” or navigate how to communicate our needs, both in intimacy and life. 

Take some time to consider the following questions:

Do you ask family and friends, including children, if they would like to receive a hug before you hug them?
Have you ever been hugged by someone at work and not wanted it?
Has someone ever touched your hand, arm or face and it made you feel uncomfortable?
Have you ever wanted to say no in intimacy and not said it?
Have you ever wanted to stay stop in the act of sex but didn’t in case you offended someone? 

I know there will be many YES’s because our understanding around conscious
communication and consent is not something we are born with. We have to learn it from early childhood and model our interactions on those we see around us.  Many of us don’t take time to consciously learn this as a skill even though it can build heathier and more empowering relationships. 

My awakening around conscious communication and consent really started when I started to explore swinging and BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism). I made some poor choices around communication and consent in these lifestyles, sometimes putting myself into some risky situations. I made some very naive and awful mistakes around not fully understanding conscious communication and consent.

I learnt very quickly that I needed to approach my interactions differently, communicate differently and be empowered in how I managed consent.  I went through a very steep learning curve very quickly.  It was a very challenging and difficult part of my journey and one that left many scares on an emotional and physical level. 

Conscious communication and  consent are needed for EVERY relationship we navigate in life. It is the basis of every positive human interaction and relationship. It forms the foundations for all good healthy relationships and impacts on all areas of life. Do you have this present in your life?


Picture of by Lorraine Crookes

by Lorraine Crookes

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