Navigating Relationships

Navigating Relationships (Part one) 


So this is one huge topic and I feel sure I will revisit this at some point and embellish what I have already thought and written.  There are so many chapters to the heading “relationships”. 
Relationships are everything and first and foremost they start with us. 
It is my belief that we can only love someone else as much as we love ourselves. 
If we are not full of self love, if our personal love tank is not at max, we cannot give out our full potential of loving another in the way we might wish to. 
So when we want to have optimal loving relationships, we need to start with “I” and ask ourselves some serious questions:- 

  • How much can I grade I love myself out of 10?  0 being I don’t love myself at all and 10 being I love myself totally.  I must add we can love ourselves without ego or over confidence.  It is about fully embracing who we are and feeling comfortable with the person we are today.  
  • Do I treat myself the same way I would treat my most valued and adored friend?  If you find that you are low down on the pecking order of treating yourself “nicely” and ensuring your needs are met, you might want to consider starting to make some changes.  Perhaps starting to implement some self love practices ie. time for you, positive self affirmations when you have achieved (no matter how small the achievement.  An achievement is an achievement!)  Re-framing your self-talk if you find you run yourself down when you do the slightest thing wrong, or just think from a place of not being good enough.  Perhaps even a daily mantra of “I love me, I honor me, I respect me” could be a good start.  The more we affirm who we are, the more we believe it and we set a new belief, pattern and energy going forwards.  Win, win! 
  • Do I make those around me aware of my love needs?  If there is something that is important to you, communicate it to those that need to know.  If those around you do not know your needs, they cannot meet them.  It really is that simple.  Use your personal power language here for best effect.  Example:  ”I really adore it when we go out somewhere different and you take time out for us to spend quality time together. It makes me feel really valued.  Thank you.”  How could someone not love that statement? You have hopefully made their day too, knowing that they have made you happy.  Surely this will trigger something in them to do this again.  I would! 

The Relationship Golden Rule 
Many of us have been brought up with fairy tales with Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and so on.  The handsome Prince saves the day.  Everything is happy ever after.   Sadly this is not the way life really is. 
Relationships may well have periods of stability, harmony, growth and even excitement.  They also will experience upset and challenges along the way, stress and arguments.  However here is where the magic lies. The times of challenge is where the growth is.  Where we find a new route forward.  Disagreements are positive.  They are part of life.  They are essential to our relationship evolution.  This is all normal no matter how hard this whole process is. 
So do not give up.  Consider working through the uncomfortable.  Hang on in there.  Let things calm down. Create a safe space to talk where you actively listen to each other and put the problems on the table and not direct blame at each other.  Equally solutions can be placed on the table together to work through what has become an issue.   
There is so much more to this, but the message here is we have become a throw away society and our relationships have become part of that too.  Working on them, learning more about them with specialist help or books or even from each other is really fulfilling.  You will find as you grow, everyone around you will feel the benefit as you expand your knowledge and awareness. 
So of course there are exceptions to the rule, and we need to keep this copy short and sweet!  One thing I have learnt over the years is my conscious effort, reflective time, adjustments and energy that has gone into my relationships has been worth every second of my time.   
I wish you well.  Crack on with your self love and if you have someone who has “your back”, loves you and is open to working on your relationship, you have something special. 
Relationships are everything! 

Picture of By Colleen Young

By Colleen Young

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