Forgiveness: Self Harm Versus Self Love

They say sorry is one of the hardest words to say. 

 This may well be true, however, sorry is a word. 

 It’s that simple. 

 It can be said and banded around with little or no real meaning. 

 How many times are children asked to say ‘sorry’, literally for the sake of it? 

 If I’m honest, what I’ve found to be more true and certainly harder is the act of forgiveness. 

 How easy is it to say the words ‘I forgive you?’ 

 Forgiveness invokes a whole new ball game of buried feelings, thoughts, emotions, raw pain, hurt, betrayal, bitterness. 

 So how do you begin the journey of forgiveness? 

 Before we start, let’s be clear that to forgive does not mean to forget. It’s healthy to have boundaries and to not have people in your life if that is the right choice for you. 

 Now I have clarified that, I want to invite you to think about this question. 

 Do you want to transform the stubborn mind chatter in your head, from thoughts of  

‘They don’t deserve my forgiveness’, ‘I’ll never forgive them till the day I die’, to saying these three little words ‘I forgive you’ and not only saying them but unconditionally meaning it? 

 Yes, then, let’s take a look. 

 Firstly, it’s important to understand that all emotions, thoughts, and feelings carry a specific energy vibration; this affects the vibration of an organ or area of the body, which in turn affects the vibrational frequency of the body. Where the vibrational frequency is low the natural frequency and harmonious pattern is disrupted. 

 This can manifest into illness or disease unless the vibrational template is changed. 

If we look at the act of refusing to forgive, to hold onto energy patterns of resentment, anger, hate, rage and other dense energy thoughts, emotions, and feelings attached to this action, then we are only hurting ourselves. 

 No one else! 

 The great author Lewis B. Smedes said; 

 ‘To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.’ 

 It is so important to understand this. 

 To forgive someone isn’t a weakness. 

 It is ultimately an act of self-love to yourself. 

 To stop projecting self-harm onto yourself. 

 Giving yourself permission to be free. 

 To stop the self-harm from the toxicity and the pollution this can energetically create in your body, relationships, environment and so much more. 

 Self-love versus self-harm? 

 The choice is up to you. 

 Understanding and perception come hand in hand, as a second step. 

 When we can look at a person or event that has caused us pain from a different perspective, it’s like turning on a light for the first time. 

 We begin to see shadows where there was once darkness. We see angles instead of straight lines, we see depth instead of nothingness. 

 From this an understanding can begin to form and be born of why someone did what they did, or why an event happened. The development of understanding is key to helping the heart discover compassion and the mind to quieten the tortuous thoughts that can repeatedly play out such as resentment and betrayal. 

 Some acts of hurt against us can be so huge, be so deeply buried and stored for a lifetime, that even by knowing all of this, we find we still cannot break free. 

 What then? 

 Be willing! 

 Every day when you feel you simply cannot do it, say to yourself, ‘I’m willing to forgive’. 

 Every moment, of every day, soften your mind, soften your heart, and say to yourself, 

‘I’m willing to forgive’. 

 One day, you will wake up, you will feel different, lighter, and realise you are no longer willing. 

 It’s done, you’ve made it. 

 The willingness has been transmuted to forgiveness. 

 Every tiny step you made, no matter how difficult and painful it felt, added up to the finale in the act of forgiveness. 

 In the words of Tyler Perry – (world-renowned producer, director, actor, screenwriter, playwright, author, songwriter, entrepreneur, and philanthropist). 

 ‘It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you.’ 

 Never a truer word said. 

 Become a master of self-love and bestow upon yourself one of the greatest gifts in this lifetime, mastering the act of forgiveness. 

From my heart to yours. 


Picture of By Diane McCann

By Diane McCann

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